


Deadseeker

by Kerotan



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: CCG Kaneki Ken, Character Death, Dom/sub Undertones, Grief/Mourning, Hate Sex, Humiliation, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise Has Issues, M/M, Masochistic Urie Kuki, Rough Sex, Tokyo Ghoul: re, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Urie Kuki Has a Praise Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 12:37:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17662775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kerotan/pseuds/Kerotan
Summary: Atonement:One word. Three syllables. Multiple definitions and methods available to those in pursuit of it.At least, that's how it works in Urie's dictionary.





	Deadseeker

**Author's Note:**

> Writer's block sucks, so this happened.

_Deathseeker_ was not a word that could be readily used to describe Urie Kuki. Neither was _suicidal_. Ambitious, single-minded, relentless, foolhardy, even _blood-drunk_ —loathe as he was to associate himself with anything even remotely reminiscent of those disgusting monsters—were much more suitable contenders to choose from.

Exactly like the abomination he willingly offered himself to with all the false abashment of a sacrificial virgin to a deity he'd often deemed unworthy of his worship. However, to Urie this was a necessary evil; perhaps some form of karmic retribution, an otherworldly avenger finally reaping the sullied fruits his conceited actions have sown. 

_Atonement:_

One word. Three syllables. Multiple definitions and methods available to those in pursuit of it.

At least, that's how it works in Urie's dictionary.

“You're clinging on to me unexpectedly tightly, Urie-kun.” Kaneki Ken, the man whose face was once known to Urie as Sasaki Haise, smirked with a slightly vindictive gleam in his cold grey eyes. Those same irises would've previously regarded Urie with a quiet underlying warmth akin to the honeyed amber hues radiating off a stone fireplace, now replaced with apathy and unashamed indifference to the very individuals he treated as family.

Urie never could've envisioned a day he might genuinely miss Sasaki Haise.

Death seems to affect people in the most surprising ways. He also never imagined a situation he'd openly cry and wail like a lonely child.

He never realised he truly considered his former comrade, his impromptu leader, a friend until it was too late.

_Too late. It was my fault._

_All my fault. I couldn't save Shirazu because I was weak._

_I wasn't good enough. Never good enough. **Weak. Weak. Weak—**_

_Tell me it wasn't my fault, Sasaki. Look at me with those stupidly kind eyes and say everything's going to be alright like you might actually believe it._

_Tell me I deserve this, Kaneki. Hurt me. Punish me for letting Shirazu die._

“Shut up,” Urie huffed. He didn't entirely know who that was addressed to, whether it was Kaneki— _Haise—Kaneki—Haise_ —or the voice in his head. Did it really matter either way at this point? “You talk too much.” Again, the recipient in question was rather debatable. Kaneki only appreciated the simple pleasantries of idle chit-chat while he used Urie's body as a disposable vessel for him to consume and destroy. And Urie let him, willingly and repeatedly, until both of their vices were temporarily sated.

 _Temporary_ being the operative word of choice as the itch always returns with the tenacity Urie would probably liken to experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms. Urie flinched as Kaneki's fingers dug into the flesh of his thighs, the dull ache in his lower back forced against the wall suddenly rushing back into focus, and the throb of Kaneki's cock spearing into his already tender and abused hole _over and over and over and over and over and over_ —

“You're great at this, Urie-kun.” Kaneki wickedly murmured into the shell of his ear and Urie disgracefully found himself keening into the praise like it's the oxygen he desperately needed to stay alive. “If I'd known that I would've fucked you a lot sooner.”

Urie knew it was a lie, nothing more than a slow-acting poison Kaneki wanted to further torment him with. Another harsh reminder he wasn't the same man Urie reluctantly considered his mentor—those strangely peaceful days feeling so recent yet a rapidly fading memory all at once—and that Sasaki Haise no longer existed in this world. He responded by pulling Kaneki in closer, burying the other man into himself right up to the hilt, and wondered if this was technically a self-inflicted demise. He grinned at the brief flicker of shock reflecting in those otherwise expressionless eyes. “And I would've let you,” he retorted, relishing in how it nearly feels like Haise's staring back at him instead, “You wasted far too much time trying to get me to help out with the chores.”

Something vaguely close to... _recognition_ flashed in those irises, swiftly replaced with a predatory glint of desire. “Lesson learnt, then,” Haise's words seeped out of Kaneki's mouth, familiar yet clandestine. He slammed in harder, yanking Urie by the neck to devour it, barely muffling the ravenous groans spilling from his lips. Urie writhed and swallowed a moan he refused to give Kaneki the satisfaction of eliciting, coming hard as his seed splattered between them both with the senseless abandon he might've attributed to the type of abstract artpiece in a gallery only Sasaki— _only Haise_ —would've earnestly chosen to visit.

He didn't complain when Kaneki came inside him again, as usual. Somehow he found a peculiar sense of comfort in something he should've hated. When he returned to his room some time later, the silence he once longed for was suddenly deafening. He still couldn't get used to the absence of Shirazu's obnoxiously loud voice or Haise's incessant fussing.

Couldn't get used to the absolute nothingness that filled the void ever since.

 _Be careful what you wish for, Urie Kuki,_ he reminded himself one more time. _You asked for this, and now you're getting what you've deserved all along._

**Author's Note:**

> 'Deadseeker' is a deliberate spelling, since Urie isn't seeking death itself, and is instead seeking _the dead_ (in case I didn't make that obvious). Thanks for reading.


End file.
